In a world obsessed with marks, medals, and merit lists, childhood is quietly slipping away. Many children are trapped in a cycle of relentless expectations—pushed to perform, not to grow. Parents and teachers, often with good intentions, impose rigid standards that turn learning into a burden and success into a source of anxiety. Behind every “topper” may lie a story of sleepless nights, silent tears, and lost self-worth. Are we raising achievers or losing children in the process? It’s time to ask: at what cost are we chasing excellence?
When Pressure Turns Deadly
Recently, a heart-wrenching incident occurred in Maharashtra. A father, who is also the principal of a private school, beat his 17-year-old daughter to death after she scored less in a NEET mock test. The girl, who had previously scored 92% in her board exams, was under immense pressure to perform well and secure a seat in a medical college. But one low score triggered a violent outburst. In a fit of rage, her father attacked her with a stick. She was taken to the hospital but died before receiving treatment.
What makes this even more shocking is that the father was not only a parent but also a teacher. If someone in his position could allow anger and expectations to result in violence, what message does that send to other parents? Shouldn’t a father-and a teacher-be the first to support, protect, and guide a child?
What Parenting Should Really Mean
Parenting is a deep responsibility. It’s not just about providing food, clothing, or education. It’s about creating a safe, loving, and nurturing environment where children feel supported, accepted, and valued. Unfortunately, many parents forget this. Instead of guiding their children with care, they treat them like possessions. They believe they have the right to decide everything-what to study, how to behave, and even who to become. This mindset can have dangerous consequences. Parents must ask themselves hard question, like why is academic performance valued more than a child’s mental and emotional well-being?
The Alarming Reality in Numbers
The data is deeply worrying. A study by NIMHANS found that 78% of Indian students experience anxiety due to parental expectations (India Today, 2023). A systematic review of 52 international studies published on PubMed (2022) confirmed a strong link between academic pressure and mental health issues like depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. In India’s top institutions like IITs, NITs, and IIMs, 61% of students reported academic stress as a major mental health trigger. Dysfunctional family dynamics only add to this burden (Times of India, 2024).
Unseen Harm: When Pressure Comes from Fear
Parents must take a closer look at their own behaviour. Often, the pressure they put on children is unintentional-but that doesn’t make it any less harmful. In today’s fast-paced world, fear about the future can make parents strict, demanding, and sometimes even aggressive. But this only increases the child’s stress, confusion, and feelings of worthlessness. It can lead to anxiety, depression, and even suicide.
What Parents Can Do Differently
What parents need is not more control-but more awareness. They need support and guidance to understand how their actions affect their children. Shouting must be replaced with listening, threats with encouragement and pressure with patience. Parenting is not about pushing a child toward your dreams-it’s about helping them discover their own.
Let Children Be Themselves
Counselling for parents can help. It allows them to manage their fears, improve communication, and build healthier relationships. Empathy, respect, and patience should form the foundation of parenting-not control, fear, or punishment.
Children need to be seen. They need to be heard. They need the freedom to explore, fail, and try again. They need to know they are loved-not just for their grades, but for who they truly are. When children feel safe and supported, they grow into confident, joyful, and responsible adults.
It’s time for parents to pause and reflect. What is the purpose of parenting if it ends up hurting the very person you love the most? A child’s success should not be measured only by marks, careers, or medals-but by their ability to live with joy, purpose, and peace.
Let us not lose more children to pressure. Let us create a world where every child is free to learn, live, and shine-in their own way, at their own pace.
(The article is written by Soumyashree Mohanty, Research Associate, CYDA)
