By Soumyashree Mohanty
Recently, a video surfaced on social media. In the video, a girl shares her ordeal. You can feel the pain in her voice and see the hurt in her eyes. She talks about how her brothers are treated differently. They are given phones and allowed to choose their subjects and career paths. But she is not given the same freedom.
She recalls that when she was in Class 10, her mother promised that if she scored more than 400 marks, she could pursue Science. She scored 399 and was eager to choose Science as her career. Despite being eligible for admission to the Science stream, her family forced her into the Arts stream. Is this fair? Her voice is filled with agony as she speaks.
But why does this happen? Why couldn’t her own mother—also a woman—understand her dream? Sadly, this isn’t an isolated incident. Similar situations exist in many households across India.
Patriarchy: The Invisible Rulebook
To understand this, we must look deeper. The root lies in patriarchy—a system that shapes our society, sets the rules, and expects everyone to follow them. If you dare to question these rules, you’re labelled rebellious. All of us—men and women—have been shaped by this system from an early age.
Education: A Path to Independence or Marriage?
Let’s take a closer look at girls’ education. According to government data, the enrollment of girls in schools has increased significantly over the years. Campaigns like Beti Bachao and Beti Padhao have played a key role in promoting this shift.
However, the reality on the ground tells a different story. It’s important to go beyond the numbers and ask—what does this progress truly mean? Are girls genuinely receiving equal opportunities, or are they still facing barriers that limit their education and future?
According to a study, girls’ secondary education is often seen as a way to improve marriage prospects—not to help them become independent (Marphatia et al., 2025). Another study shows that parents believe a girl in college has a 60% chance of receiving a marriage proposal from a man with a government job. For girls with only primary schooling, this chance is negligible (Adams & Andrew, 2021).
This mindset needs to be challenged. Education should not be about preparing girls for marriage. It should empower them to think critically, become independent, and live with dignity.
Where Is the Real Gap?
There are many deep-rooted beliefs in our society that decide a child’s future based on their gender. Boys are often given more freedom and opportunities, while girls are expected to adjust and suppress their dreams. These ideas shape a system where gender—not ability or ambition—decides a child’s path in life.
When Women Reinforce Inequality
What hurts more is that it wasn’t just the father or brother, but her own mother—also a woman—who denied her dream. That’s the bitter truth of internalized patriarchy. Even those who have suffered under its weight sometimes pass it on, unaware they’re doing the same injustice they once faced.
Then there’s the dowry system. Though illegal, it continues in the form of “gifts.” Parents often think—if we have to spend so much during a daughter’s wedding, why invest in her education?
Sons Bring Pride, Daughters Bring Shame?
Another common belief is that after marriage, a girl belongs to her husband’s family. Even if she is educated and employed, she is expected to serve only her in-laws. But what about her own parents, who have raised her? If a married daughter supports her parents, it’s seen as shameful. But when a man supports his parents, it is considered a matter of pride.
Why? Why can’t a person, regardless of gender, care for their parents? Why is only a son seen as responsible, and not a daughter? This belief often makes families hesitate to invest in girls. Instead, they focus on sons—who are expected to “take care of them.”
We are trapped by unwritten rules that have been passed down for generations. And when we question them, we’re told, “this is our tradition,” or “this is how things work.”
Building a Better Future Together
While this article highlights how patriarchy fuels gender discrimination, injustice, and inequality, the solution is not to advocate for a matriarchal system. This isn’t a fight between men and women. It’s a fight between two ideologies—one that supports equality and one that perpetuates inequality.
As Ms. Kamla Bhasin, a renowned Indian social activist and feminist, once said, “The solution to the violence and gender discrimination we face in a patriarchal society is definitely not to establish a matriarchal one. We need a society where everyone is treated equally and has the freedom to live.”
Let’s build a society where every child, no matter their gender, has the opportunity to dream big and succeed. This change in mindset won’t happen overnight—it will take time and effort. We need to start by unlearning (de-socialization) the harmful social norms that hold us back, and then relearn (re-socialization) and adopt new values that support equality and growth for everyone.
As women, we seek our rights and equal opportunities—not by breaking the rules of society but by helping shape better, fairer ones. Is that really too much to ask? (The Author is Research Associate, CYDA)
References:
Adams, A., & Andrew, A. (2021, November 9). Why do parents invest in girls’ education? Evidence from rural India. Ideas for India. https://www.ideasforindia.in/topics/human-development/why-do-parents-invest-in-girls-education-evidence-from-rural-india1.html
Marphatia, A. A., Wells, J. C. K., Reid, A. M., Poullas, M., Bhalerao, A., Yajnik, P., & Yajnik, C. S. (2025). Generational trends in education and marriage norms in rural India: Evidence from the Pune Maternal Nutrition Study. Frontiers in Reproductive Health, 6, Article 1329806. https://doi.org/10.3389/frph.2024.1329806
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Very good thought, It is a fact we need to rethink about our social norms.