By Soumyashree Mohanty.
How important is it for you to retain your self-identity? Every individual is known by their traits—name, attire, personality, and attributes—all of which make them unique. Now, imagine waking up one day with a completely new identity. Suddenly, you are someone else. You feel alien to yourself. This is not just a hypothetical scenario—it is the reality for many women in India after marriage.
In the name of customs and traditions, a woman undergoes tremendous changes that often strip her of her identity. In many parts of India, newly married women are given a new name, are expected to drop their surname, and are required to adopt external symbols of marriage such as sindoor, mangalsutra, and cultural ornaments from their husband’s side. Their attire is dictated by societal norms, and failure to adhere to these expectations leads to judgment. A woman who does not follow these customs is often seen as disrespecting her marriage or not valuing her family.
Strangely, there are no such restrictions for men. A husband is not required to change his name, adopt a specific dress code, or display any visible proof of marriage. His commitment to his spouse is never questioned. However, for a woman, her adherence to these customs becomes the standard for determining whether she is an ‘ideal’ wife. If she refuses, she is labelled non-committed or rebellious.
This deep-seated patriarchal mindset was evident in a recent case in Pune. According to the report, a judge, acting as a mediator in a domestic violence case, questioned a woman about why she wasn’t wearing a bindi or mangal sutra. He went as far as suggesting that this could be the reason for her husband’s lack of interest in her. Is this what defines marriage? Is a woman’s worth in a relationship reduced to external markers?
Unfortunately, this is not an isolated incident. Women across different social backgrounds continue to face pressure to conform to traditional expectations, many of which undermine their autonomy. From career choices to personal appearance, a woman’s decisions are scrutinized far more than a man’s. Their ambitions, dreams, and independence take a backseat. While society praises a woman who ‘adjusts,’ it rarely questions why men are not required to make similar sacrifices.
Even among educated families, the expectation persists that a woman must prove her dedication through visible symbols of marriage. The fight against such ingrained beliefs requires more than just education. Awareness, dialogue, and collective action are necessary to challenge and change these outdated norms. Women must have the freedom to choose whether they want to wear sindoor or keep their surname—without fear of judgment. True empowerment means giving women the agency to define their identity on their own terms.
Popular films like The Great Indian Kitchen and Jaya Jaya Jaya Jaya Hey have vividly depicted the patriarchal mindset of Indian society. These films highlight how a woman is often expected to seek permission from her family before marriage and from her husband afterwards, even for the most basic aspects of her life. They serve as a stark reminder of the ingrained gender roles that continue to dictate a woman’s autonomy.
Let’s not observe Women Day just for the sake of it. It is crucial to reflect and work toward creating a society that offers equal opportunities to both men and women. True equality goes beyond economic and legal rights—it requires breaking the mindset that confines a woman’s worth to her marital status. She has her own identity beyond this. Until a woman is free to be herself without seeking societal approval, the fight for empowerment remains incomplete. (The Author is Research Associate at CYDA)
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Nice analysis