Give Children Time to Grow, Not Hit them Low

When You Hit a Child, Think of Yourself at That Age—Your Actions Will Change, Writes Soumyashree Mohanty, Research Associate at Centre for Youth Development and Activities.

Becoming a parent is a life-changing moment. Two individuals suddenly find themselves on a new journey, filled with challenges, learning, and love. Many believe parenting comes naturally, that parents instinctively know what to do and how to raise a child. This is partly true but not entirely.

Parenting carries a huge responsibility. Parents guide children to grow into responsible, compassionate individuals who contribute positively to society. Societal norms exist to create balance and harmony — and parents play a crucial role in preparing children to understand and respect these norms. When a child misbehaves or struggles, society often questions their upbringing. This highlights just how crucial parenting is during a child’s formative years.

There are four main types of parenting styles: authoritative, permissive, authoritarian, and neglectful. Traditionally, authoritarian parenting where parents exert complete control — is widely accepted as the “right way.” It is believed that strict rules, obedience, and punishment would shape children into disciplined adults.

The research shows a darker reality behind this approach. In 2007, the Ministry of Women and Child Development, Government of India, conducted a study on child abuse, covering 12,477 children across 29 states. Shockingly, 69% of children reported experiencing physical abuse — often at the hands of their parents. This is a wake-up call. Parenting should nurture, not harm.

Times have changed. Children and teens today are more aware of their self-esteem and rights. International organizations like the United Nations and various governments have established policies to protect children from violence, no matter who the perpetrator is. Harsh, rigid parenting isn’t just obsolete – it’s harmful. According to Bender et al. (2007), exposure to harsh physical discipline is linked to negative outcomes, including conduct disorder, depression, and low self-esteem. It can leave deep emotional scars, affecting a child’s mental health for life.

Many parents still believe physical punishment teaches children discipline. It’s a belief passed down through generations: “They will only learn if they are punished.” But does every mistake really deserve punishment? Raising a child requires patience, understanding, and skill — not violence.

Yelling, hitting, comparing children to others, using abusive language, and humiliating them in public don’t create strong, resilient individuals — it breaks them. Phrases like “You can’t do anything right” or “You know nothing” might sound like tough love, but they leave children questioning their worth. According to Goraya and Kazim (2012), negative parenting is associated with increased hostile attributions and aggressive responses in children, while positive parenting is linked to reduced hostile social information processing. Over time, they internalize this criticism, becoming their own harshest critic. The result is a shattered sense of self-worth that can linger into adulthood.

Children who grow up in such environments often carry this emotional baggage for life. They may struggle with confidence, relationships, and even their careers. Some might rebel, while others withdraw completely. Either way, the damage is done. Parents may believe they’re doing what’s best — but the long-term consequences are far from positive. Sometimes, parents may unknowingly cause harm to their children without realizing it.

There are healthier, more effective ways to teach children right from wrong. Parenting doesn’t have to rely on fear and punishment. Building trust, empathy, and understanding works far better. Parenting isn’t an instinct — it’s a skill that grows with time, patience, and the right guidance. There are many organizations that offer parenting programs to help equip parents with practical tools to raise their children with love and empathy. A well-prepared parent can discipline without using blame, criticism, or humiliation.

Mistakes will happen — on both sides. Children will misbehave, and parents will lose their temper sometimes. But what matters most is how parents handle these moments. Becoming a parent is easy. Raising a child with love, patience, and wisdom is the true challenge. Parents must remember: they’re not just raising a child — they’re shaping the future of a resilient, compassionate individual who will contribute to the world.

References:

Bender, H. L., Allen, J. P., McElhaney, K. B., Antonishak, J., Moore, C. M., Kelly, H. O., & Davis, S. M. (2007). Use of harsh physical discipline and developmental outcomes in adolescence. Development and Psychopathology, 19(1), 227–242.

Goraya, F., & Kazim, S. S. (2012). Effects of parenting on children’s social information processing. Pakistan Journal of Psychology, 43(2), 109–121.